Out of everything I have learned from listening to other men share their stories and spending time aware of the presence of God, is that, more than anything else, I wore a facade as a “Christian” to impress my father first, my siblings and family, friends, church and the world around me.

Facade is another way of saying, I am not myself. I can say with confidence that most of the Christian community live within this facade and will, fight to preserve it ,like I did, out of fear of thinking they will lose their faith or identity.

Most will hide and run saying that I have lost my way, but I know what I found hidden within me, a pearl (the narrow road) that is too wonderful and impossible to explain.

I have learned that each person must be willing to travel their own road to find their own pearl. I am only going to help point you in the direction and to the Source, that will help you become aware that such a thing exists.

My understanding was that I needed to live a pure life on the outside even though the inside was messed up. Some would say their insides are just fine. The word hypocrite is a perfect word for most believers of every religion because I know today that I was only the result of those who go before me. The facades they created where the facades I fought to defend because they were the facades they fought to defend those that went before them.

Most children in a two parent home grow up trusting their father and mother. I am not even considering those who grow up without a father and/or mother, that is a subject of it’s own, but in either case, even an angry father, or mother that does not keep her child safe, is still the first examples of love a child understands about God.

To understand God is to understand the father or mother who sets an example of what God must be like. If he is angry, then God must be angry. If he is judgmental, then God too must be judgmental. If loving and kind, then God must be loving and kind. If he does not hug or say “I love you”, God must be distant and unemotional. If absent of the child’s life, then so is God absent. If abandoned by the safely of the mother, then God also abandons. I could go on.

But can we say that growing up in a dysfunctional home is bad? It can be very harmful yes, but in fact I think the wrongs we face are part of God’s plan to bring us into the flow of His Love. Dysfunction in some ways is the key to leading us to the right path in our life. For some, it is what will make them great.

But a perfect home of love and peace, while better for a child, also hinders a child from facing the realities of this world, missing opportunities to face trials that help them grow. It is possible that within this family that the greatest facade is created because the family enjoys the adoration they receive from others for being such a great model example. These parents will also become the most controlling to protect their facade.

Raising children the “right” way, is like trying to control a moving ball in a moving bowl. I would agree there are better ways, but I also think that in the better ways we unknowingly create unexpected wrong ways. A design that ensures that each person is unique because of the parents, but also despite them.

The culture and religion in which we grow up in play a huge role in how we perceive the world and the people who are like us and not like us. Those who are like us, we want to model after in some ways, or work to prove that we are also a model family or person. We strive to conform to be accepted, or defy to prove otherwise.

From childhood and into adolescence and then young adulthood, our facade is what has come to define our identity. It is made up of all the years of having to compete with others to prove we are fine and good, and control situations to protect ourselves because of all the years we faced being ridiculed and shamed by those who judged us – even unknowingly, or “righteously”..

Most families want to hide secrets and the bad things that happen in their family for fear of appearing bad to the public. The facade would be exposed for the hypocrisy it is made up with. Many facades are built on the beliefs of the generations before, and by the time we find the falsehoods in it, we feel trapped, and then work harder to prove our facade is okay through religious means.

Few families will teach their children to share with and love others, to help others (by parental example), to in a way be taught those things Jesus, Baddah and others like Gandhi have taught by the examples of their lives and teachings. To say we are sorry when we wrong someone, to become aware of the words we say and the things we do that hurt others.

I fit into the worst parent whose facade was paramount in my life and family. To be looked at as a shining example as a “Christian” and a great man of the community. It was this thinking and lifestyle that led to the break up of my family. The distance that was created between my wife and I, and my children.

The purpose of this website is to take you through my journey of pain and restoration, and some thoughts only to help expose the lies we create in our lives, the facade that covers us from head to toe that needs to be let go of to show the Real Light, the Real YOU.

Salvation then is the opposite of facade, as I understand it to mean today; to become real with who I am by spending time in the presence of a most loving God, who will through gentle kindness and mercy show me who I really am within – clean and pure and beautiful. As I begin to let shame and guilt go, let fear go, let anger and hate go; all behaviors of facade, and step into the goodness of God daily, all these things which have bound my life begin to fall away, and the Light of God Who has always been within begins to shine through, which makes us beautiful on the outside too.

Once these things were let go, I also found that most of these binding behaviors and thoughts where only things made up in my mind. If someone says something that hurts me, I have learned to know it is only a surface behavior expressed by someone who does not yet know who he or she really is. It is nothing, made up of fear and programming from childhood coming out as something “real”, when it is only a facade – an idea made real by the mind.

If I say or do something to hurt someone else, I can stop and become aware of who I really am, and turn and apologize for my wrong. I most likely regurgitated a wrong and twisted behavior made up of something from the past, that only exists in my mind.

This becomes a process of being aware of God within at all times. Listening carefully to that voice within that guides each one of us if we are willing to be quiet long enough to hear it.